Jersey Shore Shark Attack

I always enjoy a good B-movie, there’s just something about a movie that’s intentionally bad that makes it better than others. That’s why a little part of me was looking forward to watching John Shepphird Jersey Shore Shark Attack, a straight to DVD parody of the god-awful MTV series (which thankfully will be ending in a few weeks).  After viewing this film, I can safely say that this film succeeds in being intentionally bad, but it’s just so bad that it borders on being unwatchable. This would have to be one of the most painful viewing experiences of the year.

The town of New Jersey is undergoing some renovations, with a new tourism attraction being built along the pier. However, the underground drilling that’s involved has attracted a horde of killer albino sharks to the town, threatening the lives of those who dare enter the water, and it’s up to the local Guidos and their washboard abs and gel-stiffened hair to save the day.

If the premise of albino sharks sounds enticing enough for you to watch, just wait until you see what they look like. The CG on display is some of the worst I’ve seen in a long time, and the visuals are just as worse (The shark’s perspective scenes look like someone’s held a cup of red cordial in front of the camera).  The overall presentation of the film is poor, with an obvious use of cheap audiovisual equipment at the crew’s disposal. I know this film wasn’t released theatrically, but the lack of a big budget is way too noticeable to be forgiven.

The film fails to successfully parody any aspect of Jersey Shore, apart from naming two of the characters Nooki and The Complication (‘hilarious’ plays on Snooki and The Situation). Instead, the film seems to unintentionally glorify the Guidos of New Jersey, placing them in the starring roles and saviours of the day, and making them far more intelligent that is justified. The acting is extremely poor, with flat dialogue delivered in a way that ensures that no laughs will be had at all during your viewing.  

Thankfully, Jersey Shore Shark Attack only runs for around an hour and a half, so the pain you will suffer from watching the entire thing won’t last long (if you manage to get through it all). It’s a shame, because this film seemed like the perfect outlet to have a dig at Jersey Shore, a show that many people despise and would appreciate a quality parody to be made. Unfortunately, this is easily the worst film I’ve seen all year; don’t feel guilty if you miss out on it.