Bloodrayne: The Third Reich
Arguably the worst director of all time,
hamfisted German Uwe Boll has been dubbed ‘the Jonas Brothers of
filmmakers’ by one of his kinder critics (Michael Bay called him a
‘fucking idiot’) and over the past two decades has been responsible for
some of the most abominable excrescence ever to be shat out onto the
screen. Known mostly for his video game adaptations such as House of
the Dead and Alone in the Dark, the latter of which has a 1%
Fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes, Boll’s inability to put a decent film
together is matched only by his astonishing sensitivity to criticism, a
distinctly unfortunate trait in someone who garners so much of it. His
usual response is to challenge his detractors, amongst them Michael Bay,
to a bout of fisticuffs, and failing that to punish them (and the
viewing public) by making more films.
Bloodrayne: The Third Reich is
Boll’s latest abomination, and the third instalment in his Bloodrayne
franchise to date. As is to be expected it’s a real turd of a
movie, with little in the way of redeeming qualities other than the
occasional glimpse of Nattassia Malthe’s pert rear in one of several
gratuitous, if eye-catching, lesbian sequences. Malthe once more stars
as Rayne, a half-human bloodsucker hell-bent on kicking Nazi tail.
There’s a mad doctor loosely based on Mengele and played by Ron Howard’s
brother Clint, some evil Nazi ‘commandant’ who needs Rayne’s blood to
make Hitler immortal, plenty of bad acting and no shortage of
unconvincing dialogue, then 76 minutes later the end credits roll. The
set dressings are appalling, as are the editing and camerawork (although
the lighting is quite good), and though much effort has been put into
making the costumes approximately period accurate the Nazi officers
nonetheless salute each other in the American manner, rather than the
straight-arm fascist fashion. This slipshod inattention to detail is,
like his movies themselves, becoming ever more grating, and once more
one is left with the overwhelming feeling that the world would be a
better place if Uwe Boll would just stop making movies.
Special Features
None.
